Sarcastic and funny women quotes

 Sarcastic and funny women quotes

Women have two weapons cosmetics and tears.

A man gives many question marks, however, a woman is a whole mystery. 
-By Diana Sturm 

A man may be right or wrong…but a woman is always right.

A wise man once said “I don’t know, ask a girl.

A smart statement written outside a women’s shoe shop: 75% Discount if you select in 5 minutes.

If your wife wants to learn to drive, don’t stand in her way. 

The best way to always get the last word in any argument with your wife or girlfriend?  "Yes Dear"

Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon. 
-Tim Allen 

Behind every successful man is a woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman. 

Women: Scientifically proven to be right even when they’re wrong. 

All girls can be just gotta act stupid in front of them. 

Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy fat women. 
-By Nicole Hollander 

Being a woman is a terribly difficult task, since it consists principally in dealing with men. 

If the world were ruled by women then there would be no war… Just couple of nations not talking with each other. 

Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy fat women. 
-By Nicole Hollander 

There are two excellent theories for arguing with women… Neither one works. 

To generalize on women is dangerous. To specialize on them is infinitely worse. 
-Rudolph Valentino 

Women always worry about the things that men forget; men always worry about the things women remember.

Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed. 
-Albert Einstein

Women with pasts interest men because men hope that history will repeat itself.

A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is one who hopes they are. 

Men play the game; women know the score. 
-Roger Woddis 

The husbands of very beautiful women belong to the criminal classes. 
-Oscar Wilde 

Women are like telephones they like to be held and talked to but if you push the wrong buttons you could be disconnected.

A jealous woman does better research than the FBI. 

Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow women.

Women still remember the first kiss after men have forgotten the last. 

Women are wiser than men because they know less and understand more.. 

Women like silent men. They think they're listening 

A man is given the choice between loving women and understanding them.

All women should know how to take care of children. Most of them will have a husband some day. 

For most of history, Anonymous was a woman. 

All women are good - good for nothing, or good for something.

When women go wrong, men go right after them. 

If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning. 
-Aristotle Onassis 

Women will never be as successful as men because they have no wives to advise them. 

Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy fat women. 

I don’t think women are better than men, but I do think that men are worse than women. 

Women are like police, they can have all the evidence in the world but they still want a confession.

All women are basically in competition with each other for a handful of eligible men. 
-Mignon McLaughlin

Women don’t want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think in a deeper voice. 
-Bill Cosby

If for some reason I doubt that I’m wrong, all I need to do is ask a woman for verification. 

One of the most difficult things in the world is to convince a woman that even a bargain costs money.
-Edgar Watson Howe 

Women are suitable to be journalists, they never spend a minute quiet.