Sarcastic and funny Quotes

42 Best Sarcastic Quotes

Sarcastic Quotes

 
 



 
 
 
 
 
 
If you've never met the devil in the road of life, it's because you're both heading in the same direction.

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
-Mark Twain

Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman..
-Rick Star

You can be whatever you want, however, in your case you should probably aim low. 
 
If life gives you lemons, then be thankful for it. I have been getting only the peels for as long as I can remember..

Tell me... Is being stupid a profession or are you just gifted? 

In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.
-Woody Allen

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet? 

When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
-Sacha Guitry

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.
-Albert Einstein

When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark.

I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't.
-Patrick Murray

Mirrors can't talk, lucky for you they can't laugh either.

Do not worry about your difficulties in mathematics, I can assure you that mine are all greater.
-Albert Einstein

If you're too open-minded, your brains will fall out.
-Lawrence Ferlinghetti

You'd be in good shape, if you ran as much as your mouth. 

You are not as bad as people say, you are much, much worse. 

The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he's a baby.
-Natalie Wood

Don't thank me for insulting you, it was a pleasure.

The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket..
-Will Rogers 

You know there's just one more thing to need to do after you crack a joke... Tickle the other person.

There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
-Will Rogers

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt..
-Abraham Lincoln

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception. 

We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control. 

If the person isn't taken, there's a reason. 

A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on..
-Winston Churchill

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.
-Oscar Wilde

What you have become, is the price you paid to get what you used to want.
-Mignon McLaughlin

Marriage is too interesting an experiment to be tried only once. -Eva Gabor

A half truth is a whole lie.. . -Yiddish Proverb 

I don't know what weapons will be used in world war three, but in world war four people will use sticks and stones.
-Albert Einstein

The road to success is always under construction..

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
-Joe Louis

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.. 

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.
-Bill Cosby

People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing that's why we recommend it daily.
-Zig Ziglar

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason..
-Jerry Seinfeld

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
-Stephen Wright

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and whatever you hit call it the target.
-Ashleigh Brilliant

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
-Groucho Mar




5 comments

hi guys…. Amazing love spell that work fast
I was having a great love for the past 7 months I know him for 2 yrs he had all bad habbits but wen he got interest over me he left evrythg jus for me and just to be happy he took care of me like my mother.. I was very much blessed the problem was I had three family frd (boys) I am very close to them…. my boy didn’t like me talking to those boys he didn’t tell me tht first he was always afraid that I would leave him… so he kept his fear inside his heart and was worrying a lot.. fa 4 months now wen I came to know tht he zz hving this feari decided to stop talking with everyone, but my boy is telling me tht he lost his pure love on me.. he is telling me tht he loves me but not like before I begged him very badly… for 8 days I cried and begged him….. v both are very close…. v are mutually into evrythg even sex…. now he zz telling tht he is tired of fear and he can’t be like before frdzz what should I do? what should I do to get him back? plz tell me i found online who help me to get back with my boy again he is back to me again with his real pure love all thank to Dr happy the real spell caster who help me out when i was in pain and tear plz contact him http://happyspelltemple.webs.com/ for more details email.....happylovespell2@gmail.com or add him on whats-app +2348133873774

THE MIGHTY SPELL CASTER THAT HELPED ME SOLVED MY URGENT CRITICAL RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM.
I dont know how to really thank Dr. Keke Odin for what he did for me. My Name is Anita Kelly from Los Angeles, i was dating this man who i loved very much for over four years now without any problem in our relationship. so at a point he changed so suddenly after returning from the office and started behaving so strangely. it even got to the extent that he told me it was over and i should never call him again. This was a person that loved me with everything that he had. When i told my friend jenny what happened, she introduced me to a great spell caster called DR KEKE ODIN, the chief priest of all spell caster.a At first sight this man told me all my problems that it was his secretary that used a charm on him. Dr KEKE ODIN told me not to worry that he will help me solve the problem. The following day, i was in the house in a sober mood when i first received a message from my boyfriend that he was very sorry and before i dropped the phone, he called me again to say he is on his way home and that he was truly sorry for everything. To my greatest surprise, one week later he engaged me and we got married. All Thanks to KEKE ODIN. You can contact him through the following means

Email: greatkekespelltemple@gmail.com

Mobile Number: +1 386-336-9876

website: http://greatkekespelltemple01.webs.com



THE MIGHTY SPELL CASTER THAT HELPED ME SOLVED MY URGENT CRITICAL RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM.
I dont know how to really thank Dr. Keke Odin for what he did for me. My Name is Anita Kelly from Los Angeles, i was dating this man who i loved very much for over four years now without any problem in our relationship. so at a point he changed so suddenly after returning from the office and started behaving so strangely. it even got to the extent that he told me it was over and i should never call him again. This was a person that loved me with everything that he had. When i told my friend jenny what happened, she introduced me to a great spell caster called DR KEKE ODIN, the chief priest of all spell caster.a At first sight this man told me all my problems that it was his secretary that used a charm on him. Dr KEKE ODIN told me not to worry that he will help me solve the problem. The following day, i was in the house in a sober mood when i first received a message from my boyfriend that he was very sorry and before i dropped the phone, he called me again to say he is on his way home and that he was truly sorry for everything. To my greatest surprise, one week later he engaged me and we got married. All Thanks to KEKE ODIN. You can contact him through the following means

Email: greatkekespelltemple@gmail.com

Mobile Number: +1 386-336-9876

website: http://greatkekespelltemple01.webs.com

Thank to you Dr Blessing for your great and powerful love spell you did for me to bring me lover back to me i never believed real spell caster still exist till i came across your email , blessingspiritualtemple@gmail.com has really prove to me that he is a great and powerful love spell caster among others i can say he is the best after William my husband came back after he left me and our son to be with another woman who works with he in same office , but with the powerful love spell from Dr Blessing my man is back to be again after 2 years of separation , ima say that anyone who has any kind of relationship or marriage problem or breakup heart break divorce issues should also contact this great man today DR Blessing via his
email blessingspiritualtemple@gmail.com
WHATSAPP; +1(951)409-0694
and i believe he will also help you get the problems solves just as he has helped me solved mine \
margarete

Contact: Unityspelltemple@gmail.com for Urgent Love Spell To Get Your Ex Lover Back Fast, VERY POWERFUL:100% GUARANTEED RESULTS!

Thanks to Dr.Unity a real online love spell caster for bringing back my wife and brought great joy to me and my family today!, I'm so excited share this testimony about how i got my wife back(Michelle)after she left me and our 2 kids for another Man. I am(Stephen Moore from the United States). After 8 years of marriage, me and my wife(Michelle) has been into one quarrel or the other until she finally left me and moved to California to be with another man. I felt my life was over and my kids thought they would never see their mother again. i tried to be strong just for the kids but i could not control the pains that torments my heart, my heart was filled with sorrows and pains because i was really in love with my wife. Every day and night i think of her and always wish she would come back to me, I was really upset and i needed help, so i searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested that Dr Unity can help get ex back fast. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he told me what to do and i did it, Then he did a (Love spell) for me. 28 hours later, my Wife really called me and told me that she miss me and the kids so much, So Amazing!! So that was how she came back that same day,with lots of love and joy, and she apologized for her mistake,and for the pain she caused me and the kids. Then from that day,our Marriage was now stronger than how it were before, All thanks to Dr Unity. he is so powerful and i decided to share my story on the internet that Dr.Unity real and powerful spell caster, if you are here and you need your Ex back or your wife moved to another man, do not cry anymore, contact this powerful spell caster now. Here’s his contact: Email him at: Unityspelltemple@gmail.com , you can also call him or add him on Whats-app: +2348071622464 ,his website:http://unityspeltemple7.blogspot.com.

Genuine Online Spell Cater On Urgent Love Spell To Get Your Ex Back, Fix Your Broken Marriage And Stop Divorce
I just found out about my husband cheating on me with a co-worker! We’ve been married going on two years. 2kids. lots of amazing momments together. i want to leave, but i love him so much. all i can think about is how nothing stopped him. how he has to see her everyday because they work together. we are both still young and very attractive. but i want my husband, my friend, and the father of my beautiful children. how do i get past the thought of another woman having my husband? Not my fiancĂ©, not my boyfriend, but my husband! i still love him even though he thinks i want to leave i really want him to do better and stop me before i walk out! my husband told me that he doesn’t feel loved anymore, just because of this co-worker he has be cheating on with me that he wants a divorce, i was devastated, heart broken i begged him to listen to me that we can work it out like we always do, but he didn’t listen, he told me that he met someone that loves and understands him, i begged him to consider our kids but he’s did listen. he left and i was frustrated, i began searching for help and answers, then i heard about a man that can Cast a spell to remind him of all the things we have been through together, at first I was scared then i decided to give it a try, and like magic my husband came back, apology and begging for forgiveness, thanks to this man, I’m posting this to help people with
similar issues. You can contact him for help too. or view his page on.... https://happylovespell2.wordpress.com/
His whatsapp number: +2348133873774 or his gmail:...happylovespell2@gmail.com


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